Why Have You Forsaken Me?
by Wind2
Summary: Gohan thought Goku would never leave again...not until he was the one to make the mistake...


Don't own DBZ, and I don't own the lyrics to "Chop Suey!" by System of a Down.

Hey, back with another one shot… it's an angst/drama fic, as usual. I hope this is partly original. I know that there's a ton of those "the aftermath of the cell games" fics where Gohan is dwelling in self pity and guilt about Goku dying, but this fic is Gohan's P.O.V. in the actual Cell Games, when he sees Goku leave. I don't think I've seen one done like this yet.

Also, it might seem that I have gotten the words to "Chop Suey!" wrong, but I didn't. I switched the order of the verses so it would make more sense with the fic. I just wanted to make that clear so I don't get complaints about the lyrics being wrong.  I also didn't use the whole song. I only think the two verses I used go with this fic well.

Okay, now that we're through with that, read, enjoy, and review!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

   I am not worthy of my power. This incredible force within myself exerts itself with so much force; I do not think I can handle it.

   I know I cannot handle it. 

   The responsibility is too great. If I could control my power, then Cell would be dead already. I would have killed him already.

   Yet, something is holding me back. He's right there, with no head and no arms. He's defenseless; I can end the terror right here! I can be a hero, and become worthy of fighting alongside my father…

   He looks at me with a worried look, "Gohan, kill him now!" He screams.

   That is a good idea…I should do it, should I not? Of course I should…Earth can be at peace again. There would be no more threats for the time being, and we can all live in peace…

   I grow arrogant. I can feel it rising within me. My power has soared, and I know that I can beat Cell. I think I will let him suffer though. I will let him feel the pain that he has caused thousands of lives. He will feel the antagonizing pain that we feel when creatures like him kill for sport. He shall feel it all…

   His head grows back…then his arms. He smiles at me, stronger than ever. That smile sickens me. His presence sickens me. I swiftly kick him in the stomach. He bends over in pain as saliva drips from the corners of his mouth. I smirk at the pain he feels…wow revenge can be sweet. 

   He then starts to gag. Oh god, what is he doing? Suddenly, he hacks something up…Android Eighteen…

   He transforms to his second state. He has lost half his power now…I can still kill him. Something—deeper than I will ever be able to find—is still holding me back…

   He smiles again. "If I can't kill you…" He starts, "Then I will kill myself and take the whole planet with me! If you attack me, I will blow up, and if you wait, I will blow up, so either way you lose." He starts to laugh maniacally as he starts to grow in size. Growing bigger, he continues to laugh. Every bone inside me starts to shake. What am I going to do? What have I done? I could have stopped this, now we are all doomed. 

   My fault…we are finished, done for…my fault…

   His body continues to swell to unimaginable heights. We are going to die soon…I failed…my fault…    

   My father appears next to Cell. What is he doing? Is he crazy? Unless he has found a way to kill Cell, why would he be there? 

   He places one hand on Cell's body. Oh god…he's not…

   "Dad no! What are you doing?" I scream.

   "Say good bye to your mother for me…"

   "Father!"

   "Trust me Gohan."

_Trust in my self-righteous suicide_

_I cry, when angels deserve to die_

_In my self- righteous suicide_

_I cry, when angels deserve to die_

   I look at him. He gives me his well-known smile…he is about to die, why is he smiling, as if this is nothing but a game to him? My father's presence is so calm…he just came back, why is he sacrificing himself? He does not need to do this! Tears are starting to form in my eyes. What have I done? Oh god, what did I do to deserve this? He will be dead; I will be alive…

   "Good bye Gohan." His smile grows wider as he waves, and then he disappears. 

   "Father no!" I scream. I am met with a wave of sand, and a ghastly silence. He is gone…he is dead…my fault…all my fault…mom will suffer…everyone will suffer…all my fault…

   What am I going to say to my mother? Dad died because of me?

   I scream loudly, falling to my knees. I feel weak…I am weak. I could have changed the outcome; I could have killed Cell when I had the chance. 

   I slam my fists against the ground, the energy raging around me. My heart beats intensely against my chest. It gives off excruciating pain, radiating through my entire body.  I can feel my heart beat irregularly. It speeds up, and then slows down. For a few moments I cannot feel it at all, and then for some other moments, I can feel it rattle inside my rib cage, as if it is about to die.

   My shoulders rise and fall quickly, as I try to stop the cries. Be strong, you have to be strong, I tell myself. 

   Is a Saya-Jin's pride worth more than a family? Is it worth more than a wife, and a son?   

   Father…have you forgotten about your duty to your family? To me? Why…

_Why have you forsaken me?_

_In your eyes forsaken me_

_In your thoughts forsaken me_

_In your heart forsaken me, oh_

   They tell me to get a grip on myself. They tell me to trust him…to be happy that Cell is gone. 

   How do they expect me not to lose control? My father just died, and it's all because of ME! _They should stay away…I might cause someone else's death. I might cause even more pain and suffering because of MY ignorance, and my inexperience. I am not a worthy fighter…I am not worthy of anything in life anymore… _

   While they are all ready to celebrate, I feel an enormous energy in the mist. He's back…

   One battle has ended, but the war has just begun…

I just hope that I do not make the same mistake again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End! Hope you liked it. Remember to review! ^_^

Peace out


End file.
